Among the locals there were stories of a naked woman wandering on rural ranch land, far from a house, far from the nearest town, and far from the state of Texas. It was a joke among the locals, but not to her. Not only was she being abused, but people in the community knew of the abuse and did nothing about it.
This woman’s married life had been a dramatic saga of victimization. It was her husband who stripped her naked and dropped her off in the middle of vast prairie, leaving her to pick her way back to their ranch home. For years he isolated, tortured and terrorized her. No form of abuse was off limits: physical, sexual, emotional, financial, verbal, and psychological. She served as his constant target. He fathered a child with her, then abused them both.
Her husband knew she wanted to leave the ranch. To keep her trapped, he took the batteries out of ranch vehicles, hid the saddles and reigns for the horses, destroyed the bicycle, and told the mail carrier not to stop because she was “crazy”. Once, the mail carrier veered around her as she stood in the road, waving her hands in the air to stop him. When she was occasionally allowed to go to town, she had to go alone to ensure that she’d return for her child. Finally she did leave—alone. She still grieves for the abuse her 3-year-old child endured as a result of her decision.
This woman--alone and homeless and damaged from years of abuse--contacted a local women’s center for help. She had no money, no place to live, no possessions, no friends, or family, no job, and no will to live. She received housing, counseling, and legal support for efforts to regain custody and get a divorce. Even though she worked through the legal system, and even though her husband’s abuse history was well known in the community, still the court awarded custody to him. He continued to abuse the child.
Her husband died before the divorce was final, and the courts then required her to let their child visit her husband’s relatives. There the child was again abused.
Eventually, she moved to Texas, far from the scenes of her degradation.
Though her husband is now dead, his multitudes of abuse remain in her, as her. “I just want to make it go away,” she says.
Not likely.
Healing from severe abuse and learning to create a healthy life for herself and her little family—well, it’s a huge challenge. She inherited some money after her husband’s death and used it to buy a house. She never wants to be homeless again.
Recently she received two boxes stuffed with documents that represent years of past legal efforts to regain her child. The papers bring back old emotions, including grief for the loss of everyday moments she expected to share with her young child
Today, this family is actively involved in the work of recovery. At age 42, Mom is in college, on her way to a degree. She and her child have long attended individual and group counseling. Many days she fights her way through depression; she fights on behalf of her child. On one level she knows she cannot make the past go away, but works to heal massive old wounds. In daily life with her family, she’s struggles to look forward rather than back.
Written by HCWC counselor about an HCWC client, Age 42
