The bitterness and frustration weigh heavily
Bringing me to the point of lethargy.
I long for the fulfillment of music
But it does not grow within.
It will not even wither and die.
It only lies dormant, waiting.
Waiting to be born –
For a birth that will never come.
I feel the warmth of encircling arms,
The strength of someone on which to lean.
Yet there is only emptiness.
The times of sharing are past.
I stand alone.
I curse the very strength for which I am admired.
I am tired.
I want to lie down and rest.
The face returns – ever turning, changing.
It will not settle for there is no foundation
Or it is buried too deeply to be found.
The truth does not set me free;
It binds me deeper to myself.
More layers are added and I sink deeper.
The sun shines only on the outside;
Even the moon is a dark one.
Laughter fills empty space
And always before me is that taunting face.
Words fall on empty ears.
There is no power to express
The overwhelming spiraling depth –
The agony without the ecstasy.
But tomorrow there will be the smiles,
The idle chatter of an over-full mind.
And no one will ever really know
The void they cover.
I will not let them see.
A portion perhaps, but never the whole.
Never! It is not acceptable.
My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
Because I have shut the door
And only I possess the key.
Written by
