Vigilant--Evermore

Her soul mate turned killer, and she was his prey.

They were married 21 years, and many of them were wonderful years, years she looks back on with nostalgia for the goodness and for the unexpected, miracle child born when they didn’t think they could have children.

She remembers that the day she became pregnant, he changed. He stopped sleeping with her. He stayed drunk and high on drugs. He quit his job and refused to go back to work the entire time she was pregnant and for the first years of their child’s life.

She was in shock. Along with the challenges of a first baby—little sleep and a post-partum body in recovery from pregnancy—they were in financial crisis. So she went to work when the baby was 4 weeks old.

He was responsible for the baby while she was working. But one day she came home to find the baby under the bed, its head caught in the open box springs, and her husband passed out on top the bed.

He verbally abused her and the abuse increased after their child was born. He accused her of being an incompetent mother. His approach to child-rearing was to treat his toddler as a best friend. She knew the child needed a father. The tension grew.

This family of three lived in her inherited mobile home on family property. Very suddenly one day, she sensed that death was coming. She left, taking their child, the child’s night-night Barney, a basket of laundry and $200 set aside for the house payment. Her vehicle was not street-legal, she had no job, and no real plan. She reached a relative who put her and her child in a motel room for the night.

She got a protective order and started divorce proceedings. She and her child moved back into the mobile home. Her husband stalked her, vandalized her vehicle, and lit fires around the mobile home while they were asleep inside. He continued drinking and drugging, and was in and out of jail. He finally broke into the house and was apprehended by the police, went to jail and received a 10-years sentence for a first-time felony.

Support from HCWC helped this client put her life in order. She got a job, set up a home, and bought a car. She has been committed to learning new skills through counseling, both as an individual and as a member of a support group. Children’s counseling helped correct behavior her child had learned as a result of living with an alcoholic parent.

Eventually, this client met a wonderful man and married again. After nine years of marriage, when that man abused her, she knew what to do. Though shaken, she still left, and she took along her self-esteem, a vehicle, a job, and knowledge of how to set up a household for herself and her child. She says today that her only mistake was to minimize the verbal abuse she experienced the past few years in this relationship.

Story written by HCWC Counselor about HCWC client Robin, Age 38